So I've been totally remiss in blogging, but I swear I have excuses--lots of them. Do they make any sense? Probably not. Do they justify a 6 month absense from blogging? Not so much.
Oh well. Hopefully I can make up for that right here and now.
I'd like for you to meet the newest member of our little family, our daughter Lillian, who I'm due with in October:
Estimated due date is October 9th, but it'll be interesting to see when she finally decides to make her arrival. 10/9 is actually 9 months to the day from my due date with Jude (this actually makes me smile for some reason) and the rest of the month is filled with lots of other birthdays and anniversaries, so it'll be interesting to see if she lands on one or is able to carve out her very own date. Some people have asked me if I want to share my birthday (10/18) with her--let me just tell you that if I'm still pregnant on 10/18, I'm probably going to be one huge, uncomfortable pregnant woman BEGGING for her child to make an appearance. LOL
This past Saturday marked 21 weeks, so I'm officially the most pregnant I've ever been. It's kinda funny to think that from here on out it is all new pregnancy territory for me. Lillian started it off with a bang, too--literally! When we were over at my dad's house on Sunday we felt our first "outside kicks" which continue to make me smile and laugh out loud.
I know there will be a point that I just want her to settle down, let me sleep, and the kicks will get painful--but for now I'm just loving every single minute of this.
So I had some grand plans for holiday volunteering, but the holidays snuck up on me... How on Earth are we careening toward the end of December?
I didn't get my "holiday mail for heroes" cards in the mail early enough. I have a stack that I was too late to send last year that I was going to send this year and when I went to look up the address, I had missed the deadline. Darn it! It's sad that I'll be able to send them next year because these wars will still be going on...
So I'm headed out to spend the day at The Salvation Army's distribution center to hand out gifts. I would imagine that this is going to be a little like working retail during the holidays and less like being one of Santa's little elves, but it's work that needs to be done, so I'm going to go and do it.
We're also forgoing gifts for adults on the in-law side of the family and doing donations instead. We're sending money to the American Cancer Soceity in Lindsy's name.
(And for those wondering, the reason we're not donating to something related to the condition that affected our baby is because it's not something that can be prevented--it's just a random occurrence of nature that somehow very early on, the cells that would have made kidneys never grew. No reason, no treatment, no cure. It just is what it is.)
Maybe after the holidays the family can hook up with another organization to volunteer and give back like with did with Access shelter a few years ago. I just feel like I haven't done enough this year and despite how 2009 has been a bit of a shit sandwich, I am unbelievably grateful for the love and support of our friends and family. We truly do lead charmed lives.
I haven't been on here much lately because quite frankly the things have been going on have been things that I haven't wanted to share in such a public venue. I mean, I'm not hiding or ignoring things and if you ask me about it, I'm open to discussing it... But I'm not exactly willing to leave the gory details out on the interwebs to live on forever.
It's been 3 1/2 months since we lost our daughter and while I think we're doing very well under the circumstances, "doing well" in these terms means managing a huge amount of grief and just working through it, day by day. I've had never had anyone very close to me die, so for it to be my own child (even at 21 weeks pregnant) it has been a hard pill to swallow.
When a baby dies (as I'm sure is true with most young people), it's not just the person who dies--it's all of your hopes, dreams, wishes for them and a little bit of your innocence as well. We want to believe that we go when our time comes, when we've learned everything that life can teach us, when we have served our purpose. But quite frankly--that isn't true. Not to me. There is no reason or purpose that makes this right or okay. It just is what it is--a bum statistic and I pulled the unlucky number. I can live with that.
But for it to be my own flesh and blood... Well, I think we'll all agree that parents shouldn't have to bury (or cremate) their children, no matter the circumstances.
So the long and short of this is, we're working through it and taking care of ourselves and each other. But it's a long process--much longer than I could have imagined. And while I probably won't talk about it on here much, please do not be afraid to ask me about it. I have appreciated everyone's kind thoughts and words, even if I haven't been able to reply to you directly. I've saved all of your emails and messages.
Also, in October we lost our friend Lindsy to a battle with cancer, that she fought with unbelievable amounts of strength and grace. For nearly five years she fought not just for more time, but for a cure for a cancer so aggressive that it just kept attacking her body over and over.
Kirk and I got together with Chuck and Lindsy over the summer on the Outer Banks (or as Lindsy called it, "Her Happy Place") and talked about how she'd gone to Michigan to talk to some doctors about getting into a medical trial. She was just so amazing--she understood that they weren't promising her a cure, but at the same time you could tell that failure wasn't an option for her. She was going to do it and fight it and come out a winner.
She went back into the hospital around the time that we lost the baby and was sent home shortly afterwards because there was nothing more they could do for her. Even then--I don't think any of us thought for a minute that this would actually take her. And I don't think she ever gave up--she fought for every moment that she was going to be given.
I had wanted to write about Lindsy right after it happened, to talk about what an amazing, kind person she was, and how wrong it was that she was taken from us, but again--I didn't want to continue to be a bearer of bad news. But you know what? It's what's real in my life, so it's what I have to talk about.
2009 has been a rough one for so many people around us... Here's to 2010 bringing more love, laughter, and hope.
So when I started off on our spare bedroom makeover, I decided to stray from my Martha Stewart/Pottery Barn neutral color scheme in our house and try something new and trendy... And with the bright yellow/black/white/charcoal graphic color scheme being so hot this year, I decided to take the dive. Here's an idea of what I was going for:
So I selected a bright, dramatic yellow color for the walls and after rolling it on, I immediately felt sick to my stomach. What was I doing? Why was it so different from the swatch? Did I made my first color snafu?
Three coats later and it still didn't look any better. I let it sit a week and kept pondering it. Finally Kirk and I pulled out the original yellow swatches and headed back to Home Depot, where Kirk actually picked out a delightful sunny yellow which we purchased in eggshell instead of satin (What was I thinking when I bought satin? God only knows.)
Second coat goes on and I'm in the midst of The Great Bedding Debacle of 2009. With Black/white being so popular this year, you'd think it would be easy to find a black and white bedding set (preferrably a white on black damask... but who's picky?) and after purchasing/returning no less than 3 bedding sets, I gave up. I started to load in my furniture and quickly realized that with the lighter wood pieces that I had and all of my aqua lamps, fabrics, and chair that something else was happening, so I decided to go with the flow.
I began thinking of my new room as "Maynan's Candy Shop" where chaos and color reigns supreme and I'm surrounded by all of my favorite things--bright colors and fabrics, big flowers, and my crafting supplies. I decided to not spend any money on anything and recycled things that I already owned in new ways, including a vintage chenille blanket that I'd given my sister a few years ago that she thought would look great in the room (which it does!)
So here's what happened. I hope you have your sunglasses handy!
Before:
Do you like my tissue paper balls? This was my first attempt at these and I'm pretty happy with how they turned out. They're a fabulous punch of color for $2. The rest of my sewing supplies, buttons and ribbons make pretty fun accents.
I had been pondering a wall of empty picture frames all painted the same way, but after adding an apron to my dress form, I thought to myself that it would be fun to come up with a way to display my apron collection (which I paired down recently and am already regretting... Ah, hindsight!
The only thing left to do is for Kirk to install the chandelier that I bought for the room and the candy shop will be complete. My apologies in advance to any houseguests at Casa de Olmstead who will have to try to actually fall asleep in this room. Best of luck on that one! ;-)
I think most of you have heard by now, but last Saturday we had a beautiful, peaceful little girl named Jude who had Potters' Sequence, a fatal condition where the baby's renal system never develops. It's not genetic, and it can't be prevented nor treated. It affects approximately 1/4000 pregnancies and unfortunately it happened to us.
It's been a rough week and a half since we found out, but luckily we've been surrounded by friends and family who love us. We'll be okay and we're both feeling better every day.
I know I haven't been a consistent blogger lately, but I promise to try to get back into the swing of things soon.
So... We find out what we're having next Wednesday! Holy crap, I can't believe we're 1/2 way there!
Care to guess what we're having? Take the poll on the right and leave a comment with your gut reaction. To be honest, I have no freaking clue. The old wives tales are split right down the middle and I have absolutely no motherly instinct on this one. Is that bad?
Anyway, I don't have any grand prizes up my sleeve for you guessing correctly, just my love and affection. ;-) Isn't that enough?
It's very belated, but I'm finally chiming in with my MJ tribute post. Believe it or not, I've often wondered where I would be in my life when he passed and what it would be like.
(And for posterity, I'll record here that I was driving down Rt. 8 to meet Jennie Keller for dinner when she called me and told me (Howard Stern had already reported that a.m. that MJ had a heart attack, but no further word had come in) and I called Liz, Kirk and DearAdam to let them know. I was surprised that despite the fact the rumors hadn't been confirmed yet, local radio station WKDD was already running an MJ marathon and annoucing his death between songs.)
Anyway, since his passing, I've watched and rewatched YouTube videos of his performances, a most of his public memorial service on TV, and a minimal amount of news coverage (but really, how can one completely avoid it.)
Sure, it caused us all to pause and reflect on an incredibly talented performer with an interesting backstory--albeit filled with questions, inconsistencies, and seriously erratic (and quite possibly criminal) behavior. But the way it all went down and the way the news reacted allowed us to remember and celebrate the Michael Jackson we WANTED him to become, not the one who ultimately died. And for his family and his children's sake, I'm glad that's who we celebrated.
I don't know if we'll ever have access to the proper information to truly decipher who MJ had become, but if anyone is ever able to analyze all of that information and pull together a truthful narrative, I will be riveted.
I don't know if we have any basis of comparison for someone to be brought up in such a household of emotional and physical abuse, then thrown into the spotlight and treated like a god. How long can that go on before the person actually believes it, especially when they have no basis of comparison or grounding in reality available to them?
How sad would it be to live your entire life only feeling love when you're onstage performing your heart out in front of thousands of screaming, adoring fans, but yet no one to truly love and know the real you? You can't trust your family, nor business associates, nothing. While the money has a great amount of allure, I think all it was able to provide him was the financial backing to try to live like a child--since he was never able to pull himself out of his emotionally stunted rut.
Was he mentally ill? Possibly. Did he lack boundaries? Absolutely. Was he ever able to learn boundaries or were his so constantly violated that he was unable to comprehend them? That I can't say. Did he ever molest a child? I don't know either, but there had to be some boundary crossing that happened somewhere along the lines, otherwise why would he pay off lawsuits? Was he probably taken advantage of by some people who thought they could cash in? Probably.
So what do we have here? An amazing performer with a fascinatingly sad story. We have lawsuits, Neverland Ranch, and the gift of music. We have 3 children left behind by a man who loved them, now to be raised by a family with some serious dysfunctional issues (let's just hope the kids are put in therapy early in life as they try to struggle through this mess.)
But here's what I'll hold on to:
How did that much soul get stuffed into a 10 year old? (and where did it go?)
I've discussed Free to be You and Me before, but I just love Michael's participation in such a hippie, feel-good project.
Who can resist the evil of THE THRILLER???
I'd like to thank my Aunt Anne for taking us to Hands Across America all those years ago--what a cool thing to be a part of.
And as cliche as it may be, I enjoy this one probably most of all...
1. I'm going to be the only blogger in the world not planning a Michael Jackson tribute post. 2. Spending my weekend cleaning out our basement... Whoohoo! FUN! 3. I'm pregnant.
So... Care to venture which 2 are the truth and which one is a lie?
Shall we start with some hints?
The basement cleaning is going well, but not photo-worthy at this point. We for realsies need to have a garage sale this summer, but the next couple of weekends are all booked up, so hopefully by the end of July/early August I'll be able to pull one off.
Next up...
First off, I wasn't planning on writing one, but after a lengthy discussion with Wendy Darling, I realized that it was a topic that could not be ignored... So as cliche as it may be at this point, stay tuned.
So guess what that leaves as my 2nd truth? Yeppers, you guessed it. The Norwegian Pirate and I are expecting our first baby in January. I announced it on Facebook on Friday, so it's probably not a shock to most of you, but I figured I should still give fair warning that this blog is probably going to veer baby/pregnancy related soon.
Or maybe not. Maybe I'll just stick to my neverending love for Pottery Barn and New Kids on the Block.
So apparently I broke the plastic cap came off of my high heel today, so I’m literally walking around balanced precariously on the head of a nail.
One that makes a funny crunching noise when I walk on a hard surface. One that is particularly slippery whilst making crunching noises on hard surfaces. One that sticks in carpet.
And guess what? I just went to examine the bottom of my other heel and that was completely torn apart as well and falling off.
Even a jaunt to the restroom has become a precarious situation… Oy vey!
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